Blemishes

There is almost nothing uglier than a giant pimple staring you in the eye, pulsating and threatening to explode all over you. It's even scarier when someone's zit's been staring at you all class and when you look up again, it's popped. 


That pus has burst and landed somewhere. Excuse me while I go puke up some pieces of my pelvis. Disgusting.




PIMPLES

This is disgusting. How is this woman living with herself?

Acne is gross. And I don't care if you've tried everything. I still think you're disgusting.

Having zits just makes me think you don't wash your face. You don't, do you? You probably don't brush your teeth either. Or bathe. You make me sick, pizza face. Buy some soap.

Look-- Jessica Simpson uses Proactiv®!

And while you're at it, get some good concealer too. I'd rather see your lumpy face with an even skin tone than see bright red bumps staring me down. But don't do powder.

DO NOT DO POWDER.

Dear Powder Faces:

You look like an idiot. I know what you're hiding under that powder; you shouldn't even have tried covering it up. It probably looks better the other way without a caked on barely matched cocaine substitute. 

DISCOLORATION

So your skin is discolored. What does that even mean? Is it like saying a black zebra with white stripes is discolored? 

Is this what your face looks like?

If your face does look like that, then you're a mutant freak and nothing can be done for you. I mean, dark patches or light patches on your poorly drawn photoshop face are the BEST looking thing. Look at her nose. It looks like a man with a tiny head and big arms. 

But seriously. Your patches are what make you you. I think they're cute. And if you don't want to embrace it, buy some fucking concealer and get over it.

Unless you look like this. Maybe get some medical attention.