Ungodly Body Hair

What a pitiful question.

Listen, ladies. You'll never get anywhere in life with that peach fuzz mustache. Nor will a unibrow make someone fall deeply in love with you. 

Sexy

On guys, facial hair can be sexy. Err, well, at least scruffy. But on a woman, facial hair has no business being there. 

There is a simple solution: a shave. If you need to go into a fucking barbershop and ask them to cut you down, do it. I don't even care if people stare at you while they foam up your unsightly pit bull face. Just get that taken care of. 

Ever used these? I doubt it!

What are those things in that picture? They're called tweezers. You use them to tweeze things. Like your unibrow. You pluck out your hairs and cry your little eyes out because of the pain.

Waxing is also an option. It's for when your eyebrows get so out of control that underpaid Asian ladies need to pour hot wax on you and rip the hairs out of your face. Even more painful than tweezers, but much faster.

Some salons will even wax your--- your--- well. Your down there. So the next time you go to the beach, your bikini line will be nice and smooth.

Legs:

If you are a lady and you think that winter means your legs don't need to be shaved, you're wrong. People can tell they're not shaved even under pants. We know when you're slacking off. 

There's nothing more distracting to me than leg hair. I'll try to focus on the person, but their leg hair will just RADIATE to my eyes.

Also, armpit hair. It's the bane of my existence. No matter what I do, I end up with stubble under there. It's disgusting. But it's better than having Rapunzel hair dangling down from under my arms. 

Unless it's I'M TOO LAZY TO SHAVE MY ARMPITS, put your fucking hand down.

There's this new invention, kay? It's called a RAZOR.

Razor.

If you have hair covering your pig face, you're even more apt to look like a gorilla woman than you actually do. 

And don't look like a werewolf with your ungodly body hair. 

Take my advice: If your skin prickles, use the Schick-le.